Wake me when September ends...

Maybe I'm just bi-polar this month.

I can't tell you everything right now. It kills me. But how am I supposed to tell you that I'm so excited about getting married to you and how I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you?

Looking at wedding things and thinking about it was so fun for me. But you're right, it was silly. It was silly because we aren't engaged. And by letting myself get swept up and looking at those things, I'm setting myself up for disaster. Do you want to know why? Do you want to know what I can't tell you?

I think that you might ask me to be yours this weekend and that tiny possibility is enough to cloud my head, and my heart, and my mind. What is the imminent disaster though, is that you won't ask and then it'll be a long fall back to reality for me. That's what I can't tell you.

So it's better for me to know that you think it's a "tad premature" to be thinking about all the wedding things. It's better because it gives me a chance to gather up what's left of my fragile dignity and realize that it isn't going to happen. Now that I know that, I won't be so crushed.
See why I can't tell you all that?