In the spirit of open letters:
An Open Letter to Men Who Adjust Themselves in Public:
Seriously. Can you just not? Is there a way you could scratch your nuts, jiggle your junk, move your shit around in a way that is not so painfully obvious to those unsuspecting people around you?
And if you really feel the need to touch yourself in the hallway as you're walking along, do you think you could refrain from glancing up, catching my eye, smiling, and then merrily scratching?
I honestly and openly reject the notion that men need to adjust their private parts while in the presence of mixed company. I understand that they might get tangled up or squished or WHATEVER. Perhaps you could kindly duck into the men's restroom to give them a squeeze. Anyway, at least take into consideration that the rest of the world does not want to see you handle yourself.
Thank you,
a concerned and disgusted citizen
Seriously. Can you just not? Is there a way you could scratch your nuts, jiggle your junk, move your shit around in a way that is not so painfully obvious to those unsuspecting people around you?
And if you really feel the need to touch yourself in the hallway as you're walking along, do you think you could refrain from glancing up, catching my eye, smiling, and then merrily scratching?
I honestly and openly reject the notion that men need to adjust their private parts while in the presence of mixed company. I understand that they might get tangled up or squished or WHATEVER. Perhaps you could kindly duck into the men's restroom to give them a squeeze. Anyway, at least take into consideration that the rest of the world does not want to see you handle yourself.
Thank you,
a concerned and disgusted citizen
posted by Christi @ 11:33 AM
2 Comments:
At 6:39 PM,
Sethy Go Bragh! said…
Speaking for nut-adjustors I must say from time to time, a man's garbage finds itself in a position that is less than optimal in which case, as you would if hair was in your face, or your shirt was twisted, ya gotta shift that sack. Now, as for your plea that we go somewhere else to do that, I say I don't want to.
Have you forgotten women's lib? People in the past, and some now, believe that breast feeding ought to be reserved for certain places, but the breast feeders out there no. It's natural, baby! So I say that adjusting the nuts is natural too.
I will say that perhaps drawn out games of pocket pool in the hallway may be a little on the inappropriate side, but a shift? nah, shifts can occur where they may. When a man's got bat wings, sometimes it can't wait for a bathroom. You gotta nip it in the bud, so to speak.
At least that's the beta way.
At 9:35 AM,
Kristin said…
I am in agreement with Samantha from Sex and the City when I say that I firmly believe that this is just men's way of trying to draw our attention down there. "Hello, look what I've got!"
And in my experience, the ones who do the most adjustment have NOTHING to be trying to show off.
Thank you and pardon the obscene thought.
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